Happy? Birthday, Dad

Originally written February 6, 2024 on Instagram

Today is my fathers birthday. After I first cut contact with all friends and family in 2016, every time his birthday came around, I was both sad and angry.

We used to go to dinner as a family and then maybe have game night, play badminton, play cards, and one year my brother, mom and I pitched in and together rented a huge 3 bedroom cabin in Flagstaff, Az.

It was a surprise for my dad's birthday. We all drove separately for 2 hours from Phoenix to Flagstaff. My mom took my dad for a massage while my brother and I got the cabin ready.

When my parents arrived at the cabin, my dad's face was total disappointment. That's the thing about narcissists, its all about them. Rarely any gratitude, its more about entitlement. He was in a "bad mood" the whole weekend.

Everyone walked on eggshells around him, being careful not to wake the monster inside of him. He was as high as a fucking kite that whole weekend too. The feeling of being surrounded by your family, a joyous occasion, everyone happy to celebrate your birthday, sounds like such an event to completely numb out over right.

8 years after cutting contact, his birthday represents something so different. Lies and Freedom. Seems like a weird combo, but it reminds me that everything I knew pre 2015 was a lie, trauma after trauma, like a laundry list to heal from. And Freedom for that exact same reason.

Being a part of the Kautman/Randolph family kept me tethered to darkness, abuse, and lifetimes of the same sick patterns. Removing myself from the Kautman/Randolph families allowed me to start healing from all of it, and to start learning how to step into this world as my true self, NOT as the wounded person they raised me to be.

My words above are my perceptions, opinions and experiences alone.
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#supportvictimsofdomesticviolence #helpendchildabuse #exposingfamilycults #exposingfamilydarkness #narcissist